(quote inspired by the Salvation Army bell ringers)

I've been feeling bi-polar lately, so the posts have been sparse and clear.

I used to wonder if I had a mental illness because of my crazy preoccupation with my family & their well being. I've come to terms with my need for a family & lack of a solid and responsible one.

What I have not come to terms with are the feelings of loneliness.

This begs the question? How can you miss something you've never really had?
Or is it based on envy & stereotypes?

And I've been thinking about this whole Christmas thing. I think it's gotten away from it's whole purpose.

I've been thinking about boycotting the whole gift purchasing & asking everyone I know to make me something. Even if it ends up being a post-it note that says: I'm happy that I know you cuz-you're silly.

Because I don't want someone throwing a gift at me and saying something stupid like, "you don't have to get me anything back.." with a tone like they felt obligated to buy me something.

I am hoping that this year none of my gifts scream, "I am a last minute gift & I know nothing about you."

No one should feel obligated to buy anyone anything. Especially if you don't even know them.

This year my goal is to only buy things for people I truly want to give a gift to. And I'm not expecting anything. No expectations-because that's where I've gotten in a tizzy in the past.

Why lie about it? I've been caught up in the consumerism of it all. Last year I got some pretty odd gifts. I told someone I wanted candles & I ended up with all these candles. I liked em, but there was nothing original about the gifts. Then I felt like a retard for saying anything at all because I got exactly what I asked for.


A Guide to Buying Gifts for Danna:

Teas are appropriate. Even cups. Tea is her pal.

No more stuffed animals. Regardless of cuteness-she will only stuff them in her closet where there will die a painful slow stuffed animal death-never to be admired for their charm.

There are some things that are failsafe: purses, animals (real), make-up, food,jewelry, technology, books & coupons for time with people.

Anything home made.