nite lights.

"happiness on earth ain't just for high achievers..."--Red Dirt Road by Brooks & Dunn.

Children, it's been a busy few days. I've been a mad shopper trying to find something for everyone on my list. And well, I still have a few more. I finally got round 3 of the Saunders x-mas card list labeled-they just need a mail box.

Today was pretty funny in retrospect. I did an assessment over the phone. Picture this-me in my cubicle with my froggy stuffy voice asking someone:
"do you hear voices?"
"how old were you when you started using stimulants?"
"Have you ever publicly exposed yourself?"

I was miserable & I know the person on the receiving end was as well. But we got through it and I sat there thinking, 'jello and theraflu so did not prepare me for that one'.

Thankfully we had a nice meal for dinner & Super J let me ramble on and on.

Unrelated:
I miss watching things like Creepshow and Tales from the Crypt.

My mom was big on scary flicks. When we were kids she'd rent us videos and we'd all gather around with our blankets tucked around our ears trying not to scream. Of course we had to resist being the first one to jump when something popped up or someone made a creepy noise.

I remember once around Christmas time we didn't have much going on. No promises of electronics or new clothes. Just two weeks of sandwiches, oatmeal cookies and potatoes with fresh bread and canned meat.

We got this old black and white tv. It had this funky white case. It was pretty big compared to the one we had before that. I think someone took off with our vcr, so she borrowed one from someone she knew for the week.

We spent a couple of days camped out in the living room where we had put our mattress-watching horror flicks, eating popcorn, and dozing off.

My mom had an old school corn popper. She'd oil it up and get that puppy rolling. We'd wake up with kernels in our hair laughing about the brother who started whimpering first. In those times I'd always wish we had a nite light in the hall-so that when we had to go pee we wouldn't be attacked in the dark by a little brother with visions of power.

Regardless of everything I've ever said to hurt my mom or tarnish the world's view of her-I think today I am most grateful for her.
She taught me to stop and to live the moment.
She taught me to make cookies.
She taught me about fear and anger, but more importantly she taught me commitment to family. Because even though she did leave once-she came back. She came back to us. And she never left.

Tomorrow I will go see her. I will track mud all over her tile. Eat her bread. Listen to her tales of "do you remember" and I will try not to be a jackass when she asks when I'm going to visit for more than 10 hours. Because I have her lips & you can't stare at something you are without it changing who you are.

posted by Danna Saunders @ 12/17/2004 10:44:00 PM